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[ From London Times ]
JANUARY and February would be abolished to make winter shorter if the Monster Raving Loony Party won the next election, Screaming Lord Sutch said yesterday.
The veteran party leader, wearing his customary tiger-striped lurex suit and leopard-skin top hat, held a news conference on Westminster Bridge to unveil the Loony election manifesto, with its rallying message: "Vote for insanity - you know it makes sense." Bellowing above the noise of traffic and flanked by a yellow-clad Banana Man and a John Major lookalike, Lord Sutch, 53, who has been campaigning for 33 years, promised to give #1 million to everyone who voted for him. This would be funded by making Britain a tax haven. "We will be knee-deep in money," he explained.
Scots who want their own parliament would be lent the London-based one, which would be put on wheels.
Other manifesto proposals include decimalising time to make life simpler "especially when you're hungover, late for work, and trying to figure out a 24-hour timetable". There would be ten days to a week, ten hours to the day, 100 minutes to the hour and 100 seconds to the minute.
Observers believe that the Loony proposal to ban work before lunchtime "because it's far too difficult" could be a vote-winner.
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